I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
