I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
