Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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