Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
