just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
