Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
