I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i love accidental penises.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
