we're chasing vodka with high fives
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
