Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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