she looked like the before picture.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
