I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
