I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
