I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
