i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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