Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
