Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
