I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
