You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
