hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
