I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize