Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
