I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
