hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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