well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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