you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
