my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
