I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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