Can i not drive my cunt home
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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