fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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