It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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