Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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