you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
