im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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