She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
