as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm at about main and main street
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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