Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
