Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
nutella sex= disaster
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
