Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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