Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
