apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
