that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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