A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
