This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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