So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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