how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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