Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
