somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
