In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
