just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
