The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize