Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
