I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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