I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
this boner is exhausting
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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