Umm I'm too high to move.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
