But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
