No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
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I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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