the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ketchup is God's man juice
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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