She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
