is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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