No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
