People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
