You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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