guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize