I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Redeem this text for a blowjob
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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