Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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