I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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