That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
