So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
