ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i love accidental penises.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
