My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
