i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
last night I used snow as a chaser
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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