he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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