I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
