I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
