dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
